This has been long overdue, unpleasant but very welcome indeed. After all this time, I was fighting the wrong war. To cut it short I’ve been hopelessly enamored with this person for 10 years. Funny how our personal and professional lives keep on colliding. It could have been us but there is no us. Irregardless of the degree of familiarity that we have on each other’s friend’s, parent’s, colleagues, interests… Nothing was ever enough, at least for him. It took me a while to realize, probably because I was in denial, that I am not and would never be the man he wants. And he can never give me anything past an orgasm.
For god knows what reason I asked him out again, it happened last weekend. For the years that we have known each other we have been taking turns “trying” each other out. Honest to goodness I was there for the relationship, I think he was too, but he’d eventually realize and remember why it wouldn’t work out and why I was not for him.
I do not think that I can ever be good enough for him, maybe yes but his reasons or excuses, I do not need anymore. It all happened in a club, with his friends, drunk and dancing I was enjoying the night away. I thought I’d be going home with him to consummate that searing sexual tension inside the emergency room we pretend to work professionally together. It’s funny really, No one knows but us, no one notices the hidden glances, skin on skin contact, inside jokes.
I could have loved him for the rest of my life. lol. no really.
He went home with someone he just met. Not even cute, the same guy who showed interest. A stranger. Just like that. Someone I have placed in a high pedestal, can be got. Just. like. that. I never felt more insulted in my entire life. I have fantasized kissing him again, now I don’t even want his mouth near me. God knows where that has been, and then some.